Chasing vs Pursing a Woman (The Key Ingredient!)

Chasing vs Pursuing a Woman

The main, but critical difference, between chasing vs pursing a woman comes down to mindset, especially whether you act needy or not.

Whether or not you act and feel needy depends on if you believe her value is the same, lower than or higher than your own value.

The actions in chasing vs pursuing a woman may look similar but your internal conscious or unconscious dialogue and attitude will be completely different.

When you distinguish yourself as a man in pursuit, she’ll see you through a more attractive lens than if you act like a needy boy.

Let’s look at the differences between chasing vs pursuing a woman.

We’ll go through what pursuing looks like first and then chasing and I’ll provide ways to get into the attractive mindset of pursuit.

Pursuing vs Chasing a Woman


  • Know your worth and while you’re still attracted to her, your worth doesn’t ride on her reaction to or perception of you.
  • Never take rejection personally, knowing there are other fish in the sea.
  • Know no woman is out of your league and it’s just a matter of getting to know her for you to decide if you really like her, not just the looks of her.
  • on’t try to convince her or anyone of your value because you know your value and that’s all that matters in this regard.


  • Initiates communication at least 50% of the time (possibly as little as 30% if she’s high value and has standards—more on this in a minute.)
  • Makes time for you.
  • Either doesn’t cancel or has a decent excuse, apologizes, reschedules and bonus if she tries to make it up to you.
  • Replies in a timely fashion and/or if not tells you why not or apologizes. (Timely is relative to the normal flow of your usual conversation.)
  • Don’t change your plans to be with her but stick to your prior commitments.
  • Always leave the ball in her court.

She turns you down for a date because (insert excuse).

Instead of continuously contacting her to see if she’s available yet (chasing), you tell her to get in touch when her schedule opens up (pursuing).

Pursuing does not means constant instigating or contact!

  • Only say “yes” to her if it aligns with your goals, desires and values.

It’s not that you don’t care, you’re simply not emotionally invested in the outcome. You are not attached.

You know how women are always talking about “self care?”

Yeah, this is you doing the same thing. You take care of you first.

You can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first. High value women instinctively know and respect this.

  • Make yourself happy because you self-validate. (See my What Makes a Real Man to Her video series.)
  • Don’t need her attention or affection to feel good and unhesitatingly accept “no means no” without reservation because it doesn’t faze you.
  • Make your romantic intentions clear and act on them assertively without fear.

You might say, “Ashley, you’re a beautiful girl, I want to take you on a date but if you’re going to play it cool then I have no problem finding another worthy woman.”

  • See her for who she really is, flaws and all, and accept the negative traits that don’t really bother you but handle bad behaviour effectively and aren’t afraid to walk away when red flags show up.
  • No matter how much you’re attracted to her, you have a handle on your emotions and maintain logic when she’s misbehaving. #lion #kingofthejungle
  • Don’t fear losing her because you either have plenty of other female options or know you can have plenty of options.
  • Never have negative feelings toward her or your interactions.

Now, let’s look at what you may be doing that pushes women away or turns them off.

Chasing vs Pursuing a Woman


  • Try to prove your worth to her because you’re not convinced you’re worthy of her.
  • Take it personally and think there’s something wrong with you whenever a woman rejects you
  • Hope she doesn’t discover or realize she’s out of your league.
  • Try to use logic to convince her of your value.


  • You always initiate communication.
  • She never makes time for you.
  • She cancels plans or flakes out on your regularly with or without apology.
  • When she doesn’t reply to your texts, you text again.
  • Change plans to accommodate her.
  • Keep the ball in your court instead of leaving it in her court.

She cancels plans (again) and instead of saying, “Get back to me when you’re available” you keep trying to reschedule.

  • Are prematurely emotionally invested in her and the outcome of your actions with her.
  • Fear saying “no” to her because you’re afraid doing so will turn her off.
  • Seek validation and approval from her. You put your happiness in her hands and out of your own control. (Hint: like a little boy and his mommy. #turnoff)

You constantly seek her opinion, approval, feedback on decisions you need to make for yourself in your life.

  • Plead for her attention and/or affection.
  • Don’t make your intentions about wanting her clear but instead play the “nice guy” by doing nice things for her with a hidden agenda and when she doesn’t give you what you want you react in passive-aggressive ways, like ignoring her texts to spite her.
  • Put her on a pedestal and ignore bad behaviour and red flags because you’re infatuated with her.

Which brings us to…

  • Are easily pussy whipped with your balls in her purse trying to fulfill her every desire and putting up with her cranky moods because you lack emotional control. #sappypuppy #needyboy
  • Fear losing her interest because you don’t have any other options.
  • Feel negative and/or frustrated about your progress and interactions with her.

In order to have the best chance of developing the mindset of an attractive man in pursuit vs a needy boy chasing is to increase your sexual market value.

Increasing your sexual market value has the effect of naturally increasing your self respect and therefore confidence so you no longer chase but actively pursue anyone or anything you desire.

Watch my video on How to Increase Your Sexual Market Value.

The main thing women find attractive in a man she’ll consider a relationship with is: capability and effectiveness.

Sure having a lot of money is one way of doing that but there are plenty of other traits that appeal to the women who aren’t just gold diggers.

Money is simply an obvious proof of capability and effectiveness.

Watch High Maintenance vs High Value Women

The Bottom Line

A woman will only choose you if:

  1. She’s ready
  2. You’re worthy in her eyes

Key point!

She needs to be worthy in your eyes, too, but if you’re chasing her you won’t be evaluating her true value.

The Main Thing a Woman Needs to Be With You

A woman needs to feel like it’s her choice to be with you.

If a woman determines you are worthy, she’ll have a difficult time changing her mind after she’s made that choice. That’s why bad boys seem so appealing to women at first!

Women like to think they’ve made the right decision about their selection so when you pursue her instead of chase her, she’ll see your true innate value as an attractive man.

Bad boys display alpha masculine pursuit traits and when a woman has bought into that, she’ll be the one to ignore red flags.

Watch How to Increase Your Sexual Market Value and What Makes a Real Man to Her now.