You think, “I want to meet him in person,” but it doesn’t happen. What’s going on with men who hold off and how can you change this?
You Want Him To Meet You In Person
Are you texting and talking to a man for weeks or months, but can’t seem to get him to meet you in person? You think, “I want to meet you,” and wonder why it’s not happening.
This is such a common problem. Many women have been in this frustrating, no-win situation. My clients always want to understand why this occurs and feel attached to the men they’ve gotten to know by phone and text. Often, the only thing they can think about is, “I want to meet him in person!”
Below, I share my dating advice with a woman who wrote about this very issue. She knows this situation isn’t good for her and wants help disengaging.
Should I End This Relationship?
“Dear Love Coach Ronnie,
I met this man through an online site. We have been texting and talking on the phone for six months. Several dates were planned, but canceled (due to his work and mine).
I feel comfortable talking with him and he always initiates the calls. I can tell he is a smart guy. We can talk for hours from one topic to another including sex, and he even shares his fantasy of being with me.
When I am confused or upset, he supports me through calls or texts. I want to meet him in person and he says, “I want to meet you in person too.” But he also says he prefers knowing me bit by bit, talking for hours on the phone. One day, he says, we will meet up.
I Want to Meet Him in Person
All in all, he is a nice person. But, I know that this will not be healthy in the long run. How should I tell him that this “fantasy” relationship between me and him should stop?
I feel that ignoring his calls and texts is not the proper way, since we have good relationship and respect each other.
I kindly need your advice and input, Ronnie.
Thank you so much.
Hoping to Meet Him”
Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out?
Dear Hoping,
Let me help you with understanding men.
The first thing is that you have to realize you are NOT in a real relationship, so it’s not “good.” This virtual connection does offer you some emotional support, but will never get beyond the fantasy of romance.
The difficult truth is he is wasting your time. Don’t think for one moment this smart guy doesn’t know it. You stay because you keep thinking, “I want to meet him in person” and hope it happens someday.
Don’t you wonder why he continues to talk to you when he knows he’ll never meet you? And, “Why doesn’t he ask me out?” I bet it would help to know his true intention.
What Are His Intentions?
If you decide to talk to him about this, I guarantee he’ll say he HAS good intentions. If you say, “I want to meet you,” he’ll promise to meet you in person soon. But that will just be more meaningless words to keep you in his game.
He knows you want more, but he’s stringing you along by getting his needs met by phone. His needs include friendship, emotional support, romance, and sexual fantasy. There may be others as well.
On the other hand, you are not getting your needs met, because YOU WANT MORE. He knows this, so is he being honest or respectful with you? Not really.
Think about it logically for a moment and put your heart aside. That’s the best way to understand men. Why would a man want to talk on the phone and text for more than six months and not meet you?
Reasons Why He Keeps This Going
Reasons Why He Keeps This Going- He’s married or in a relationship but doesn’t want to cheat physically
- He doesn’t want the responsibility of a genuine relationship
- He prefers to avoid any expectations on your part
- He enjoys being totally in charge and keeping you wanting more
- He’s not emotionally available beyond phone chats
- He doesn’t look like his photo and knows you wouldn’t go for him if you saw him
- He prefers a fantasy life vs. real life because he’s maladjusted in some way
I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea, right?
If this man wanted to date you or meet you in person, he would done so by now.
He is using you and taking advantage of your good nature for emotional support and sexual fantasy. You might think that if he’s texting and talking to you, he must like you. But that doesn’t mean he wants a genuine relationship.
Think about Yourself First, Not Him
Look at how much time you have already invested and wasted with this man, hoping he’ll meet you in person. More than six months! You’ve given your heart away to a man who will NEVER meet you, kiss you, or be HONEST with you.
Unfortunately, it’s time to acknowledge this NOW and STOP texting and talking to him. Even if you demanded, “I want to meet you now!” he wouldn’t comply.
You owe him NOTHING because you’ve given him everything. You’ve spent enough time dreaming about how I want to meet him in person. But it’s not going to happen with this man, ever.
Text with Men Who Want to Meet You
Once you start meeting men in person and going on dates, this guy will fade into the background.
And if you encounter another guy who avoids dates and you start thinking, “I want to meet him in person” that’s your signal to ditch the guy FAST and move on.
If you want to find the real thing, you can’t waste time waiting around for some man to “get ready.”
Rule of Thumb for When to Meet
A good rule of thumb for how long to give a guy to meet you in person is 7-10 days. That’s it! Any man who needs more time is not actually available.
It might be he’s not available emotionally or geographically or his life is too full for love to be a priority. Each of these situations are red flags that he’s the wrong guy, if you want lasting love.
You Deserve Real Love
I know it’s not easy to let go, but thankfully you’ve already figured out this is unhealthy.
You deserve the whole enchilada: a man who wants to spend time with you, hug and kiss you, laugh and hold hands, spend time with friends, go to dinner and make love.
If you can’t shut him off cold turkey, then text him and say, you’ve decided to move on since he won’t meet you. Then you have to be BRAVE and block him.
I guarantee he will keep after you as long as you let him. He’ll never let go of the good thing you are in his life. You have to shut it down and make yourself the priority. In this case your happiness is all that matters.
Wishing you love,
Ready to meet the right man? Watch my free masterclass 5 Astonishingly Simple Ways to Find “The One”
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.
