It’s the question of the internet age: Why don’t people like me? Maybe it’s your question too. You have trouble making friends. Maybe you have tried improving your relationship with strangers by acting friendly and talking about common interests, but none seems to work.
You have sought professional help, and you don’t see any difference. Sometimes you feel like it’s your fault, but the truth is, it’s not always about you. Not everyone will like you. We all have different personalities based on our upbringing, our style, and our preference.
Everyone needs a friend because we are social beings. If you are in this situation, all hope is not lost. If you have lost friends and family, it’s never too late to fix things. By changing your ways and taking responsibility for your actions, things might work out in your favor.
Knowing why people don’t like you and learning how to fix it can salvage your friendships and establish healthy relationships with your family.
Here are 12 reasons why people don’t like you and 26 tips to fix it;
☢ 12 Reasons Why People Don’t like You ☢
Have you ever wondered why people don’t like you? Well, here are the reasons;
1. You Have Poor Communication Skills
Communication is essential in any healthy relationship. Do you listen to the people as they speak? If the answer is no, then your communication skills are lacking. If you talk too much, you deny your friends the opportunity to voice their opinions and share their thoughts.
There is a difference between talking and having a conversation. People feel angry and disrespected if they have to listen to you all the time. On the other hand, you won’t stop talking about your relationships, achievements, or new job without letting other people talk. Having a conversation is about allowing the other person to speak.
If you often find yourself interrupting other people, it could be why they don’t like you. Your friends need to voice their opinions too. You will be surprised by how much they know the subject that you always try to outshine them.
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2. You Know Everything
It’s good to be self-confident, but sometimes you may go overboard. If you think you know everything, you are wrong. People dislike friends who think they are better than them. Friends who dismiss all their opinions and suggestions and behave like they are the experts.
You may be an expert, but others have a voice too. You are not always right, and you shouldn’t expect everyone to do things your way. People don’t like friends who think they are right every time. No one likes to feel inferior.
You may be pushing people away because of your know-it attitude because you are always looking down on others. Friends may be staying away from you because they don’t like feeling inexperienced or inferior around you. If you constantly offer your advice even where it’s not needed, people will choose to stay away from you.
3. You Try To Be Someone Else
Making friends is not easy. When you meet people for the first time, you might find yourself acting in ways to try to get them to like you, but the truth is, this is not the real you. You may be afraid that people may not like certain things about you, so you hide behind a mask.
You may be doing it without ill intentions, but the people around you may not feel the same way. Your friends may feel like they don’t know you. No one likes being around someone who puts on a fake face because they don’t know what’s behind the curtains.
It may not be your fault. Maybe you may have bad past experiences or unresolved issues from the past. People may feel like you are manipulating your way into their hearts, only to reveal you’re true colors later.
4. You Have Poor Personal Hygiene
No one likes being around people who stink. So if you leave your house without brushing your teeth, taking a shower, or combing your hair, even strangers will avoid sitting near you.
There is no excuse for poor grooming habits in the 21st century. Deodorants, shampoos, toothpaste, and teeth whiteners are largely available. Poor grooming habits indicate laziness and lack of self-respect and can ruin friendships and relationships. It indicates that you don’t care about those around you.
If you are in school, no one will want to be associated with you. You may even lose on job opportunities because no employer wants a disorganized person as their staff. In addition, poor personal hygiene makes you unproductive, and no one likes hanging around unproductive people.
5. You Like Gossiping
Gossip brings people together, creates social bonds, and acts as a tool for self-evaluation, but it can also destroy relationships. Some people use gossip as a way to enter certain social circles and get people to like them.
Human beings like sharing information, but if you use the information to gain an advantage over someone, it can push people away. Manipulating your way into a certain group using gossip may backfire on you.
You may manage to get people to like you for the short term, but they will eventually shun you. When people realize that you talk behind people’s backs, they won’t trust you with information. No one wants to share their secrets with untrustworthy people.
6. You Only Care About Yourself
Selfishness is often confused with self-love. Selfishness involves not think about the people around you. There are many signs that you only care about yourself. For example, if you are always drawing conversations towards yourself, you don’t care to hear what others say.
If you are always asking for favors but unwilling to give, you may be pushing people away. People like friends who appreciate, appreciate and are more willing to give than to receive. If you are always late for appointments, it means you don’t care about people’s time.
You show up late for family gatherings or meeting with friends, and you don’t care about apologizing to them. People feel disrespected when you waste their time, and they will avoid meeting with you next time. Getting late for appointments may also cost you job or business opportunities.
7. You Are Unforgiving
You maybe you make a great company. But if you are unwilling to forgive people when they rub you the wrong way, you will always feel like people are avoiding you. No one is perfect. We sometimes make silly mistakes.
You must be willing to compromise for the greater good. People sustain healthy relationships if they are willing to accommodate each other. Don’t just forgive people, but also forget and move on.
Friendships are built over a long time, and they should be valued. But, unfortunately, you can’t win in all arguments.
If you keep reminding people of their past mistakes, people will start avoiding you every time you argue. No one likes being reminded of mistakes they are trying to move on from.
8. You Are Dramatic
Everyone has their bad days. It’s just how life is. But if you are always drawing attention to your emotions by creating drama, no one will want to be associated with you. Likewise, if you like blowing things out of proportion, no one will want to be infected with your negative energy.
People don’t like friends who cant remain calm in the midst of a storm. Being around a dramatic person feels like sitting on a ticking time bomb-it can explode anytime. If you like dwelling on small issues, no one will want you to drag them down with your bad attitude.
9. You Are Too Nice
It’s good to be nice, but you should know where to draw the line. Being too nice can pass off as being fake. On the other hand, if you constantly find yourself in situations where you can’t take a stand, you are too nice. You can’t take sides because you don’t want to offend anyone even when they are wrong.
If you are always trying to please everyone at the expense of your peace and happiness, you may end up hurt and emotionally drained. People will see you as weak and lacking self-respect, and no one wants to be associated with insecure people.
10. You Don’t Take Responsibility For Your Actions
If you constantly find yourself blaming other people for the things happening to you, it could be the reason you have no friends. Of course, it’s easier to blame others, but if you could change things by taking responsibility for your own actions.
If you are always playing the victim and blaming others, you will never become better. You will never do things differently if you don’t realize your mistakes and change how you do things.
11. You Always Complain
It’s human nature to complain when things seem not to work in your favor. It’s okay to talk about it, but if you keep complaining, it attracts negative energy. People don’t like being around friends who complain about everything. Bad weather, the government, inflation, diseases, you name it.
Everyone has their bad days, but some choose to be positive about it. People pass through worse things and keep quiet about it. If you keep complaining, people will start avoiding you because they feel helpless. Your friends will feel like everything about you needs fixing.
12. You Are Too Emotionally Needy
It’s okay to seek help from friends and family when passing through difficult things in life. But you have to draw a line between seeking help and being emotionally dependent. The other person may be passing through more difficult situations than you are, and they may not appreciate you bundling them with your emotional baggage.
If you are always making numerous phone calls and leaving messages for your friends and family to seek reassurance, they will eventually get overwhelmed. People don’t like friends who act insecure and need constant reassurance. If you can’t make decisions without seeking help from others, they will try to avoid you at all costs. Of course, you need to be there for your friends too, but you should not sacrifice your happiness to please people so they can like you.
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❂ 26 Ways To Fix Reasons Why People Don’t Like You ❂
If you genuinely feel that you are the reason why people don’t like you, keep reading the article for 26 tips to fix it;
1. Communicate Effectively
Many people find it hard to make friends because of a lack of effective communication. Effective communication means being a good listener and allowing other people to air their opinions.
You can improve your listening skills by nodding or using non-intrusive verbs such as, oh, I See to show the other person that you follow what they are saying. Also, avoid interrupting people when they speak. Instead, wait for your turn.
When speaking with a person, ensure to maintain eye contact. It indicates that you are interested in what they are saying. Finally, avoid offering advice unless your friend asks for it.
2. Avoid Gossip
Avoid spreading rumors that could hurt other people or destroy their reputations. People don’t like hanging around backstabbers. Consider other people’s feelings before using gossip to make people like you.
Gossip destroys relationships and severs family bonds. Turn down invitations to gossip and ask your friends to change the topic wherever they bring up a topic about someone in your presence. Doing this will make people trust you more and share their information and secrets with you.
3. Don’t Be A Bully
People may not like you because you bully them without realizing it. If you are constantly blaming people when you wrong them, they will choose to stay away. Instead, learn to apologize to people when you are wrong. Consider other people’s feelings before doing things or saying words that may hurt them.
Just because you perceive certain things as normal doesn’t mean they are. If you bully people due to negative past experiences or childhood traumas, seek professional help to address the issues and coexist better with other people.
4. Allow People To Know You
Sometimes, your past experiences may make you fear revealing your true self. For example, maybe you have been rejected in the past, and you can’t handle any more rejections. Or, you fear that people may not like certain things about you.
People like befriending someone whom they know about. If you keep hiding things about yourself, people might perceive it as an ill motive and choose to stay away. Stop doing things that don’t define you to get people to like you. Instead, allow people to know and trust you.
5. Appreciate Life
There are many things to appreciate in life. Instead of complaining about everything, learn to appreciate the positive things that have happened in your life.
Complaining brings negative energy, which drives people away. Instead, accept that life has its ups and downs and learn to create positivity out of every situation.
People dislike feeling helpless, and they can’t stand being around someone who complains all the time. Understand that others may b passing through life issues but choose to be positive instead of complaining.
6. Improve Your Personal Hygiene
Maintain your personal hygiene not because of others but because of yourself. Ensure to take a bath, brush your teeth, and wear clean clothes. Being well-groomed boosts your self-confidence and attracts the right people to you. No one wants to stand stench from the mouth or sweat.
Use shampoo or body wash to clean yourself and deodorant to keep you fresh all day. Sometimes it may not be your fault. If you suffer from halitosis, ensure to see a doctor for help. Keep your clothes neat and clean or buy new ones if you can afford them.
7. Be Kind
Maybe people don’t like you because you are mean. You can change this by considering other people’s thoughts and opinions other than your own. For example, if you have always wanted people to listen to you, but you never care to listen to them, it’s time to change.
Be more willing to give than to receive. Start respecting other people’s time by showing up early for appointments and meetings. If you are late, apologize to the other person and make it up to them.
Appreciate your friends and be there when they need you. By doing this, people will like being around you because they feel respected and appreciated.
8. Let Go
True friendship is based on forgiveness. Learn to forgive people when they wrong you because no one is perfect. Holding on to grudges makes you bitter, and bitter people attract negative energy. So don’t just forgive people. Forgive and forget.
Letting go means accepting the things you cant change. For example, you cant change that someone wronged you, but you can choose to put the past behind you and move on. Then, people will be comfortable knowing that they can feel safe around you without being reminded of mistakes they are trying to put behind them.
9. Get Busy – Avoid Drama
If you enjoy causing drama, it may be because you are idle. However, drama creates conflicts and brings about negative energy. Learn to control your emotions even if you feel offended.
Drama leaves you with a sense of guilt when everything is over. You may lose potential friends in the process because no one wants to be part of negativity. It is addictive, and it may be hard to stop. It distracts you from reality and makes you lose focus on the issue at hand.
Try to consider other people’s feelings. They may be hurting too. Then, direct the energy to exercise or get yourself occupied with a hobby to avoid drama.
10. Spend Wisely
If you want people to like you, be wise with money. When spending together with friends, pay your part of the bill instead of waiting for others to pay it for you. Avoid looking down on friends with a lesser financial capability. Don’t see your friends as cheap because they choose to buy what they can afford. Avoid boring people with your stories on how you went on expensive trips or bought luxurious things. Accept that some people may be struggling financially and appreciate them regardless of their financial capability.
11. Be Reliable
People prefer being friends with someone they can rely on. A person who cares about their feelings and opinions. Avoid promising what you can’t keep because you will disappoint people. Be there for your friends and family when they need you.
Whether emotionally, morally, or financially, stand out to be counted. Let people know that they can trust you with any information without causing emotional outbursts or drama.
12. Be Accountable For Your Actions
If you often blame other people for your actions, it could be why they don’t like you. For example, if you always blame the traffic for getting late to work, your boss may not like you. Accept your mistakes and apologize if need be.
Failing to account for your mistakes prevents you from becoming a better person. Instead, accept that you made wrong choices so that you can make better choices next time. If you can’t accept your mistakes because you are obsessed with being right, you may have obsessive-compulsive disorder. In this case, seek professional help. Strong relationships are built on accepting one’s mistakes and making amends.
13. Learn To Be Independent
If you always depend on people for emotional support, it’s just a matter of time before they shun you. Learn to be independent by knowing how to handle your emotions without relying on other people to make you feel better.
Remember, your friends are fighting their own battles, and sometimes they may need you to support them. So stop looking for friends in the wrong places because you want validation. Besides, stop burdening people with your emotional baggage and learn to make your decisions without seeking approval from people.
14. You Don’t Know Everything
Even if you are an expert in a particular field, accept that you don’t know everything. Other people may know more than you do. Allow other people to voice their opinions and consider listening to their suggestions even if they don’t make sense to you.
Avoid being dismissive of other people’s suggestions and try to be accommodative of everyone. Stop trying to dictate to people how to do things and allow them to do things their way. Acting like you know everything portrays you as bossy and self-centered, and everyone will want to avoid you.
15. Be Humble
Being humble helps to build trust among people. If you want people to like you, stop trying to impress them using money. If your friends keep talking about their achievements all the time, you may feel out of place when around them.
Don’t make everything about you. Instead, celebrate everyone’s achievements, no matter how small they are. Some people may think about discussing their achievements as self-confidence, but you should know where to draw the line. If you do it too much, people will see you as arrogant and avoid you.
16. Be Open-Minded
It’s good to talk about your truth, but it’s important to consider the people around you. Being open-minded means being welcome to ideas and suggestions that you don’t along with. For example, you may not agree with other people on certain topics like politics and religion, but you should respect their views.
Just because someone has a different opinion does not mean they are wrong or foolish. On the contrary, being open-minded demonstrates emotional maturity, and it attracts people to you.
17. Learn To Support Others
It’s good o be competitive, but not every situation calls for competition. Even if you are obsessed with winning, you don’t have to win every time. Don’t turn every situation into a game where there is a winner and a loser. Instead, support others, and celebrate their wins.
Stop trying to shine in every conversation or win every argument. Sometimes, agree to disagree with saving the relationship or friendship. Being too competitive brings out the pride and arrogance in you and makes people stay away from you.
18. Surround Yourself With The Right People
Some people don’t like you because you have nothing in common. You don’t share interests, and maybe you feel uncomfortable in their presence. Not everyone will like you because we have different personalities. If you feel like you don’t fit in a particular group, maybe you are looking for company in the wrong place.
It’s easy to make friends with people you share common interests and who feel comfortable around you. Don’t worry that they don’t like you. The right people will automatically like you for who you are.
19. Make New Friends
It’s normal to feel nervous when meeting people for the first time. As a result, you may feel extremely uncomfortable around new people or feel like they don’t like you. However, you can overcome this by regularly meeting new people.
Be social and interact with new people to practice being comfortable around them. Sometimes we miss opportunities to meet new people because of social anxiety. Try going out more often, visiting new neighborhoods, and attending functions to get comfortable around people.
20. Agree To Compromise
If you want people to like you, don’t make everything about you. You don’t have to have your way every time. For example, if you are going out with friends, stop dictating where you will go because it’s your favorite joint.
Allow other people to air their opinions. Compromising doesn’t mean you are weak. It means that you are open to suggestions and willing to meet people halfway.
21. Believe In Yourself
Sometimes it’s not that people don’t like you. You feel that way because you don’t love yourself. You don’t believe that you are likable. If you don’t like something about yourself, you may feel insecure in the presence of others. You can’t expect other people to believe in you if you don’t like yourself.
Try finding something positive about yourself and work on perfecting it. Work on your self-esteem to improve it. If you don’t believe yourself because of bad past experiences or childhood trauma, consider seeing a specialist for help.
22. Be Yourself
Sometimes people dislike you for no reason. Therefore, stop trying to be someone you are not to get people to like you. We all have different personalities, upbringing, and past experiences. Accept that not everyone will like you and accept that you can’t change it.
Do what you enjoy doing, and the right people will come to you. People like being around someone real and proud of who they are.
23. Be Interesting
No one likes being around a boring person. Sometimes you may feel like you have nothing much to contribute to a conversation, but you can participate by listening actively. Don’t feel shy to give your opinion even if you are not an expert on the subject. People will see you as interesting and want to hang around you. If you meet new people, demonstrate that you want to know them by learning their culture, origin, and preferences.
24. Trust Other People
Trust is mutual in any relationship or friendship. If you don’t trust others, they may not trust you too. If you don’t trust other people’s decisions, you will want to dictate what they do. Would you mind stopping trying to force your opinions on people because you can’t trust them? Instead, could you give them the benefit of the doubt?
You may find it difficult to trust people because of past betrayals, but it can ruin good relationships. Try seeking help to put the past behind you.
25. Offer Constructive Criticism
No one wants to be around someone who criticizes everything about them. So even if you have greater achievements or are more educated than others, stop treating them as inferior. Stop criticizing everything about other people because it makes them feel miserable around you.
If you think that the other person is wrong, suggest making it right instead of criticizing them. Celebrate and encourage people to achieve what you have instead of criticizing them negatively.
26. Stop Judging
It’s easy to judge someone. We have all been judged positively or negatively. If you want people to like you, stop assuming things about people based on superficial information. Instead, strive to know a person by asking questions before jumping to conclusions.
Try to find out what the other person is passing through before judging them. Finally, support your friends’ decisions without judging them.
🚩 How To Tell If Someone Doesn’t Like You 🚩
Being able to tell if someone doesn’t like you will help you find out the reasons and address them. Below are 5 signs ;
1. Closed Body Language
Body language has a lot to tell if someone likes you or not. An open body language indicates that the person is comfortable around you, while closed body language indicates the opposite. For example, if someone talks to you while leaning away, crossing their arms, or hiding behind a desk or a backpack, it’s an indication that they are not interested in what you have to say.
2. They Put On A Fake Smile
A genuine smile will come naturally. It occurs when the oculi muscles contract to form lines around the eyes. On the other hand, a fake smile mimics the mouth shape while smiling, but it does not contract the oculi muscles. So, for example, a person who doesn’t like you uses a fake smile because they don’t want to dismiss you.
3. They Cant Maintain Eye Contact
If a person cannot maintain eye contact when talking to you, they hide their true feelings or are simply not interested in what you are saying.
4. They Seem Uninterested In The Conversation
You will know if a person dislikes you if they are not actively involved in a conversation. If they keep giving short answers or keep their eyes on the phone the whole time, just know that you are wasting your time.
5. They Never Include You In Their Plans
A person who doesn’t like you will never want you to be part of their plan. They will visit places you used to visit together and make excuses when you ask them about it. You will keep asking them out, but they will never ask you out in return.
🏹 How To Boost Self Esteem 🏹
Self-esteem is a measure of your perception of who you are. Low self-esteem can affect how you relate to people and maybe why people don’t like you. Use the hacks below to boost your self-esteem;
1. Know And Challenge Your Negative Beliefs
Thinking negatively about yourself may lower your self-esteem. You can boost your self-esteem by identifying all the negative beliefs about yourself and listing them down. For example, if you believe that no one likes you, make a list of the people who like you. It will challenge the belief and boost your self-esteem.
2. Identify Your Positives And Dwell On Them
You may not have friends, but that doesn’t mean that there is nothing positive about you. First, identify all the positive things about you and list them down. Then, whenever you feel like you are losing your self-esteem, give yourself a pep talk to remind yourself of all the positive things.
3. Avoid Negativity
Avoid people or situations that bring negative energy to your life. Instead, associate with people who bring out the best in you by celebrating your small wins and seeing beyond your limitations.
4. Don’t Be Too Hard On Yourself
Sometimes we suffer from low self-esteem because we are too obsessed with being perfect. Accept that you don’t have to be perfect at all times. Strive to bring out the best in you at all times.
5. Address Past Issues
If your low self-esteem results from bad past experiences or childhood trauma, seek help from a therapist. If you are not ready for one, talk to a trusted friend or family member.
🔑 Tips To Gain More Friends 🔑
☛ Overcome Your Fears
Keep your head high because the other person is as nervous as you are about creating a lasting first impression
☛ Start small
start with acquaintances and old friends, existing groups, and introductions by friends.
☛ Meet new people
Get to meet new people by volunteering, joining training and workshops, online community groups, attending weddings and parties.
☛ Initiate conversations
Get to know new people by initiating conversations. For example, you can talk about general stuff and ask the other person about them.
☛ Be Open
Be open about meeting new people. Don’t miss the opportunity to meet new people because they don’t have the qualities you want.
☛ Smile more
Smiling creates warmth and invites the other person to like you. It also demonstrates positive emotions.
☛ Stay in touch
call your new friends or drop them an email to find out how they are.
☛ Be yourself
Don’t change the way you do things to impress others. Instead, be yourself, and people will like you for who you are.
📛 How Social Media Affects Someone’s Personality 📛
More than 4.48 billion people are on social media. People rely on social media to connect with friends and family, but it can impact our personalities greatly.
Ways in which social media affects our personalities;
Many people have become socially isolated because of spending most of their time on social media. According to research, the use of social media increases loneliness in its users.
People always post their lavish lifestyles and edited pictures on social media. It may cause feelings of inadequacy or dissatisfaction when you compare yourself with other people. As a result, it may lead to low self-esteem.
Social media can cause distractions at work or in school. You may be tempted to keep checking your phone or computer for the latest social media updates, and it may affect your productivity. Some people get too distracted by social media that they cause accidents while paying attention to their phones.
👉 Fear Of Missing Out
Social media can create a notion that other people are enjoying their lives or doing better than you. It causes anxiety and feelings of envy, and it can interfere with your self-esteem. Fear of missing out leads to heavy social media usage, and it can make one neglect their personal hygiene, go to school, spend time with family, and sleep.
👉 Lack Of Self Evaluation
The use of social media can steal time meant for personal reflection. If you spend all your time on social media, you will have no time to evaluate yourself, strengths, weaknesses, and areas of improvement.
👉 Self Destroying Behaviours
There is a lot of good and bad information available on social media. Some people use social media to learn self-destructive behaviors such as drugs, pornography, radicalization, etc. Some people may bully others on social media, and it could change their personality.
👉 Lack Of Empathy
You may be tempted to post information on social media to gain likes and a following which could destroy somebody’s reputation. Some people forward unverified information without caring about other people’s feelings to gain popularity on social media.
👆 Tips To Know Your True Friends 👆
► They like you for who you are
► They support you unconditionally
► They are always there for you
► They celebrate your success and do not feel threatened by it
► They create time for you
► They are reliable
► You can trust them with your secrets
► You feel comfortable around them
► They do not judge you
► They are non-judgmental
► They are self-sufficient
Sometimes, people don’t like you for no reason, and there’s nothing you can do about it. People have different personalities based on their upbringing and experience. You cannot force people to like you, but you can change your way of doing things. If any of the above reasons describe you, follow the 26 tips to fix things and get more people to like you. Strive to remain yourself and boost your self-esteem, and the right people will find you. Then, when you have fixed why people don’t like you, follow the tips to gain more friends.
Q: Why don’t people talk to me?
A: There are various reasons why people don’t talk to you. It could be, you don’t share common interests, they are angry at you, or they are just busy. In addition, people may not talk to you because they are no longer interested in having a relationship with you.
Q: How do I get people to like me?
A: You can get people to like you by talking less and listening more. In addition, look for people with whom you share common interests. Avoid being too pushy and controlling and instead, be more accommodative. Finally, stop being too nice and be yourself.
Q: What do I do when my friends leave me out?
A: When your friends leave you out of their plans, avoid jumping to conclusions because there could be a genuine reason. Maybe you seem uninterested, or they simply don’t want to invite you. Try inviting them instead because you could have turned down their invitations before. If this does not work, try going out with other friends or talking to someone who feels rejected.
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Author: Ruth Jesse
Ruth is a life coach who specialises in relationships and career development. Outside work, she loves writing novels and guides for personal development.