Do you find yourself waiting for the phone to ring? Waiting for him to call? Let me help you with if you should call him, understanding men, and what you can do about it.
There is a lot of dating advice for women on this topic because it’s a tough issue that all single gals have to face. After a great first date and a strong connection, excitement builds. This is especially true at the end of your date, when he asks to see you again.
He says he’ll call to set the next date up. So you wait … and wait. The stress builds and for some women, this turns to anxiety. But he doesn’t call and you feel more than disappointed – you feel devastated! How could he do that to you?
What’s a woman supposed to do? You may feel confused, rejected, or sink into despair. How could he not call when you had such a good time? You could tell he did, too, so what’s the problem?
Understanding Men – Should I Call Him?
You might think calling him is the answer. Why not, right? After all you’re both adults. This is a new era in dating. men and women are more equal not than ever. Dating is more modern!
It’s easy to convince yourself that this is by far the quickest route to ending the tension and continuing to wait.
However, as a love and dating coach for women, I’m not a fan of calling men or initiating contact at the start of dating and here’s why. I have three big reasons why calling him to ease your mind is a big mistake.
1. How Interested Is He?
You want to know what a man will do without your prompting because that tells you how interested he truly is. If he can’t even make a call or ask you out, he’s not interested, no matter how great your first date seemed.
There are no excuses that count, but I’ve heard a lot of them myself and from my clients. Excuses include being super busy at work, a huge project with a lot of pressure, a sudden illness, and a even a death in the family. Some men can’t handle any confrontation, so they make up lies that sound reasonable to prevent you from questioning them.
2. You’ll Look Desperate
When you pick up that phone and contact him, you risk looking desperate. Yes, even today many men will think that if you call him. This is a fact when it comes to understanding men.
3. You’ll Take Over Pursuit
If you make that one call and it goes well, then you might be tempted to continue on this path. Every time he doesn’t call or ask you out again, you’ll be calling or texting to find out what’s happening and asking to see him again.
Now you are chasing him and that never ends well. If you have to chase a man, he definitely is not that interested. But he may be curious enough to stick around, hoping to get lucky.
I know it’s not easy to deal with the angst of not knowing. It can drive you nuts wondering what is going on. Some women start to think he got sick or injured himself. Trust me, he’s perfectly fine but just not calling you.
Learn to Read Between the Lines
This might sound weird, but when a man doesn’t call you, he is still communicating loud and clear. He’s saying, “Sorry honey, I’m not that into you.” Once you catch on to the fact that this IS the message he is sending, now you’re on your way to understanding men.
Not calling communicates his lack of true interest in you or maybe in finding love.
The good news is you’ll stop waiting by the phone and free yourself up to move on to meet better men! Good men are out there. Don’t waste your precious time waiting around for some guy to call. I don’t care who he is, how great a time you had, or what a great catch he seems to be. He’s not the man for you or HE WOULD HAVE CALLED.
How Long Should You Wait for Him to Call?
If you had a great time with a man and you don’t hear from him in seven days at the most, let go of him with grace. When a man is into you, he won’t wait a week to call you no matter what he has going on.
He’ll want to see you again and he’ll move heaven and earth to make that happen. Occasionally there are extenuating circumstances but that is a very rare thing.
Don’t assume that his excuses are real and that this situation applies to you because the odds are very strong he’s just not calling you. I know this feels harsh, but isn’t the truth better than another false hope and more time wasted?
His inability to call because of illness, his job or boss, his ex, a death in the family etc. if true, let you know you will not be his priority. If he does experience a loss, then he likely won’t be ready to date for a while anyway.
Why Did He Say He’d Call?
The hard truth is there are plenty of decent men out there who don’t want to hurt you, but don’t know what else to say at the end of a date. They feel that saying, “I’ll call you” is easier because they think this is what you expect. Many men feel the pressure of being a nice guy and think not asking is too hurtful if they are not interested.
What Can You Do?
Be smart! Learn abut what men really mean when they are evasive. Know that when a man says, “I’ll call you,” he might never follow through. This way, you won’t be waiting around or disappointed. You can go about your business and meet other men. And if he does call, then that is a wonderful surprise!
If a man is genuinely interested, he’ll contact you within a few days and ask you out again for the following week. Now that’s a man with potential.
To learn more about understanding men and finding a quality guy, listen my free program 5 Surefire Ways to Attract a Quality Guy
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Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.
